Historia Alone
by ASingingPenguin
Summary: From the kinkmeme I cleaned up and added some stuff from the newest manga chapter for even more angst. Historia missing Ymir.


How long had it been? It had been days since Erwin woke up and since Levi decided to rebuild his squad. Longer after that they moved to the remote house. The rooms were divided up fairly evenly save for Mikasa, Eren, and Armin who shared a room. Historia was able to room with Sasha, and she was thankful. Sasha had been there for her when she broke down the first night. It finally hit her that Ymir was no longer with her. It was such an odd feeling for her. Ever since that mission in the snow, even since Ymir had revealed to hear that night that she was a titan shifter they were inseparable. Well, save for their first mission outside the wall. Still, to not have Ymir with her; it felt like a piece of her was missing.

She told Sasha all about what happened. She told her about how Ymir reveled herself to everyone to save them. About Reiner and Bertholdt being titan shifters, and about them taking Eren and Ymir. She told her about what she knew of their plans and how even Ymir was manipulated into going with them. Even with all that, she spoke of her feelings for Ymir. Part of her still couldn't believe it had taken her so long to realize the taller girls feeling for her. Connie was right Ymir only took things seriously when Historia was involved, and everything she did was for her. She also confessed to Sasha she loved Ymir.

Loving someone was still a new concept for her. It was the kind of thing she only read about in her books before, never truly seeing it for herself. In truth, she thought she was unlovable. Her own mother from probably the day she was born to the day she died wanted nothing more than for Historia to die. For 12 years she was alone, and in those years learned only that she would be a burden to others. That is, until Ymir entered her life. How strange someone would show up and give her more love and attention than anyone had before. While Ymir wasn't exactly a knight in shining armor from her books, she was still more than the blonde could over dream for. She hoped Ymir would feel the same. She believed she did, but Ymir does her best to keep her heart locked away from others.

Sasha, for her part, did her best to stifle a laugh when Historia said she didn't know Ymir was interested in her. She couldn't speak for the guys, but all the girls knew. They thought it was adorable that Ymir was always with the smaller girl and looking out for her. Ymir didn't really look or seem to act like a guardian angel, but to Historia that was what she was. Sasha did her best to comfort the smaller girl, but she knew that nothing short of Ymir herself would truly make Historia happy. Sasha let her know that if she ever needed to vent again or just needed a hug that she would be there.

The next day they settled into their routines. No one really brought up what happened with the other titan shifters, instead focusing on Eren's new found power and wondering how to control it. Historia wondered if they so easily forgot about Renier and Bertholdt's betrayal or if they just dealt with it amongst themselves. She wondered more if she was the only one who missed Ymir. Sure, she has a bad attitude and had and over all horrible personality, but Historia yearned for the taller girls touch. She would even love to be told how full of shit she was about trying to be a martyr in the past if it meant she could hear her voice. As much as she wanted to let it out, she kept quite more withdrawing from everyone.

One night while the group stayed up to talk Historia excused herself to go to bed early. She couldn't take it anymore. Part of her was furious with Ymir. How could she leave her? After she had confessed that she always would feel safe by her side how could she leave her? She tried to reason that Ymir always had a plan and would never just leave, but that didn't stop the tears from falling. She wished she could have the taller girl next to her. She wanted nothing more right now than to have Ymir come and hold her close and tell her things would be okay.

Even through her tears she couldn't deny her body's reaction to the thought of Ymir's touch. When she closed her eyes she could sometimes feel the softness of Ymir's fingers on her face before she left. For someone as gruff as Ymir her touches where so light and gentle She wondered if Ymir would be like that everywhere. She wondered if Ymir's lips on hers could fix the ache in her heart.

Historia sighed through her tears and lay down. She could still vaguely hear the commotion downstairs, but her mind was elsewhere. She could still hear Ymir's voice in her head saying her true name. Ymir was the first person to say her true name and make her feel like it was hers. She allowed her mind to wonder into a day dream. Ymir kissing her, and caressing her cheek. Mindlessly she started rubbing by her collar bone.

"Ymir…" she whispered. If only she could will the other girl to be with her. She wanted to feel the comfort of having Ymir next to her, but more than that she wanted her weight on her. She bit her lip and started to undo her shirt. She needed to feel something. She needed to feel something real and just thinking about Ymir made her need it.

She rolled her nipple between her thumb and forefinger with her left hand while moving her right hand to the top of her pants, but soon abandoned her breast to get her pants off quicker. She didn't care. She needed her fantasy to feel real. She needed to at least pretend Ymir was with her, touching her, loving her.

She dipped her hand into her panties and quickly zeroed in on her clit. "Ymir!" she sighed rubbing her clit in slow circles moving her free hand back up to her breast. She thought about the taller girl rubbing her slowly while kissing her hard, taking her, claiming her. She wanted it so much. "Please, Ymir, faster."

She sped up the fingers on her clit moving to an up and down motion at the thought of Ymir doing it to her. She was getting close and she knew it. The thought of the taller girl's touch was enough to make her hot alone, but when Historia thought of her taking her she lost it.

'_Come for me, Historia'_ the Ymir in her mind whispered as her body stiffed and mussels clenched. "Oh, Ymir! Ymir!" while one hand continued to work her clit during her orgasm her other hand desperately clung to the sheets. When she came down she moved her hand and wiped it off on the sheets, her body still taking trying to recover.

Unfortunately, while her body was satisfied Historia came to the realization that Ymir was not with her and she was in her in bed alone. The tears began to fall again. She was alone. She was alone and all she can do is pretend that Ymir was by her side. She should have known the moment she felt she was wanted, and valued, and truly felt loved it would disappear. Happiness only happened in stories.

The sound of movement outside her door drew her back to reality as Historia realized her state of undress and quickly moved to fix it and get under the covers. "Hey, Historia, you awake?" Sasha asked quietly moving inside their shared room.

She took a breath before answering to steady her voice, "Yeah. I was just feeling tried and wanted to lie down a little early."

Sasha gave the younger girl a small smile. "Alright, I'm going to jump in the shower real quick and head to bed. You should get some rest yourself. I'm sure we have a busy day tomorrow." She suggested moving towards the bathroom.

When Historia heard the door shut her tears began to fall again. The last thing Ymir had said to her, _"Goen'a" _What did it even mean? Why did she leave? She still didn't know, and she wasn't sure it would help the ache in her heart to know. All she could do was hope that Ymir was safe and she knew was she was doing.

"Hurry back to me, Ymir." She whispered and closed her eyes and she drifted into a shallow restless sleep.


End file.
